Dear Nairobi Villagers

Posted: May 11, 2009 by Afyanet Africa in Humour
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

moi avenue, nairobi, kenya

It is now slightly more than a year after I made big move from the country to the great city under the sun, Nairobi. It has been the greatest year in my life in so far as learning new things is corncerned. And this is why I have decided to write to my fellow villagers in the city and share some experiences as well as explore the various ways in which we can make money. In all, I wish to discuss four things. 

The first is language. Fellow villagers, please note that there are very many people in Nairobi who do not and will not understand that it is not my fault that my ancestors decided to do away with the letter ‘L’ (though I do concur with them that there is no need to have two letters that sound almost the same). The Nairobians also do not seem to support the idea by my friend Omondi’s relatives that there was, and still is, no point in calling fish, fish when you could just as effectively communicate by shortening the name to ‘fis’. For this reason, fellow villagers, let us learn to write (sms) more and talk less. The saving both in money and embarrassments are bound to be great if we do. 

My second point is to do with vehicles, or in simple Nairobi language, cars. I have learnt that anything on four and more wheels is either a car or a mat (matatu) in this city. I have also learnt that people in Nairobi will travel across town and pay good money to see cars (the type of which we have been paying to travel in) paraded in what is called the ’concours de elegance’. I now believe that a few of us, fellow villagers, stand to make very good money in domestic tourism by organising for trips to Gatundu etal to see the old model Chevloret pick-ups and Bedford trucks. We could also use these same vehicles to transport the urbanites there and charge a premium for this classic travel. 

Not surprisingly (to most from the village), my third point is to do with food. I (and hopefully most of us) had, mainly through the mass and popular media, heard of Pizza (pronounced as pitsa and not Bithaa) and Capuchinos(most probably misspelled).  These had however remained foreign to (all of) us. But in my year in Nairobi, I have not only had the great honour to sample these foods but have also learnt that it is possible to pay a person who has most probably never tasted a food, to stand on a busy road advertising this same food.  I am also still to find  a joint that sells tea in a glass and king sized chapatis for ten bob each as they do back home. It would therefore be a great economic venture if any one of us villagers would set up such a joint. 

The last thing that I wish to discuss for now is medicine. This is one area where am proud to note that we villagers are way ahead of our urbanite brethren. For one, we learnt quite early on that herbs like Muarobaine (Fortious medicines) and Kieruma (Aloe Vera) can cure any disease (including suspected diseases). The Nairobite is only now catching on to this, interestingly the awakening is starting from the buses (particularly those destined to Kawangware, Rongai and Kitengela). The ‘doctors’ in this buses however seem to have gone one better that the villagers and have discovered that provided you package the same ‘thing’ in different packages, you can sell ‘it’ as a painkiller, toothpaste, ‘dawa ya kuongeza nguvu (za kiume, kike na hata kitoto), dewormer and even as a beverage. At this rate, the posh hospitals (where they take your height and age, test your blood pressure, sugar lever, heart rate e.t.c. regardless of whether you went there as a patient, was escorting one or had just come to pick your girlfriend) may either have to close down or start stocking these super drugs. 

With that my village mates, ret me finis and hask that you put your khoments hapa chini.

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Comments
  1. susan says:

    Afyanet wacha mchezo!! “The last thing that I wish to discuss for now is medicine. This is one area where am proud to note that we villagers are way ahead of our urbanite brethren. For one, we learnt quite early on that herbs like Muarobaine (Fortious medicines) and Kieruma (Aloe Vera) can cure any disease (including suspected diseases)” and why are we wasting millions of shillings in institutions like KEMRI just like the survey money for Migingo sorry Mijinjo ok which ever!!

    lets go back to our roots!! good stuff afyanet

  2. Kiptanui says:

    Yani you guys are talking about me!! this is an actual strory about me !! watu wa nairobi tumetoka mbaliiiiiiiiii!!

    Cheers good piece of writting keep it hot Afyanet!!!

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