• As the faithful followers of this Blog will know by now, we always endeavour to keep you abreast with the latest developments in the medical field. It is therefore not surprising that a particular East African country has decided to use our forum to make the first ever announcement of the discovery of a new disease (more accurately, a syndrome). The country (previously unknown for making discoveries save for the few made by foreign explorers who were miraculously able to discover mountains that had remained undiscovered by the natives for centuries) has been able to make numerous discoveries since the creation of an extra ministry, the Ministry of Health- Health discoveries and higher health. What follows is a verbatim report from one of the senior officers on the new discovery.

(Disclaimer; The following report is reproduced as it was presented to us and we therefore take no responsibility for the expected typos and typewriter errors).

 

Dear citizens,

Greetings. I am happy to report that pursuant to our performance contracts and after years of research (*Not withstanding the fact that the ministry is barely a year old) , we are happy (or sad depending on how you view it) to announce the discovery of a new syndrome. This discovery comes after rigorous efforts bravely borne. The Syndrome has been appropriately named by our award winning researchers as the Unused Medical Card Syndrome (UMCS). The name is based on one of the suspected causes of the condition.

 

The new syndrome has been observed to present itself mainly in young professionals working within major towns of this country. In this group, the most vulnerable members appear to be those who have been in employment for less than five years with preliminary results indicating that the most affected are unmarried males. UMCS has regrettably been observed to mainly afflict people who would otherwise be described as healthy and as such we as a ministry are deeply disturbed by it. The symptoms of this syndrome are as listed below;

  • Medical cover: All sufferers invariably have medical cards. This is to mean they have medical insurance covers that have been taken for them by their employers. Related to this, is the fact that the syndrome seems to favour mainly those who have large unused credit in their cover i.e. those not paying for the visits to the hospitals from their pockets.

  • Systematic hospital visits: UMCS sufferers will be seen visiting posh medical facilities on weekdays during working hours. Continuing research seems to suggest that the visits occur most often on Monday mornings and Friday mid mornings

  • Sufferers who are normally coherent well educated people, have been observed to become incoherent once in the presence of a doctor, below is an excerpt of one such dialogue;

Doctor: (After usual pleasantries) So young man, what seems to be the problem?

 

UMCS Sufferer: Aaaaahhh Doctor, okay,..well am not sure how to put it..mhh

 

Doctor: (Thinking the guy is suffering from an embarrassing venereal disease) No need to be embarrassed young man.

 

UMCS Sufferer: No, no its not that. Its just that I mean,.. ahh.. not that am THAAAT sick, just that I decided to be careful. Well you see its just that since primary school, I’ve had this feeling when I swallow..

 

Doctor: (Looking confused and concerned) mhhh?

 

UMCS Sufferer: (Sensing the Doctor is becoming too concerned) well its not that it’s serious. Actually I think I should not have come. Actually it is that I have been feeling that I have flu that is coming.

 

Doctor: What do you mean, ‘that is coming’?

 

UMCS Sufferer: Okay, you see when I have this pain in my collar bone…..

                          (This conversation went on for the next 15Min….)

  • Other mild symptoms: Among others, sufferers have been observed to have red eyes (surprisingly, only those sampled on Monday visits presented this symptom), chatter unnecessarily to the pharmacists (a symptom that appears sensitive to the pharmacist’s gender) and frequent change of doctors with each visit.

After establishing the presence of this syndrome, our ministry through our minister, has forwarded the results to our sister ministry, The Ministry of Health- Medication, Drugs and Pharmacies, for further work. I am informed that the ministry is at advanced stages of developing a cure. Reliable sources indicate that they are looking at various cures including but not limited to counselling, marriage and alcohol based drugs. We trust that the ministry will keep us and you our dear citizens, updated with their progress. We also intend to send our results to the WHO, AMREF, UNESCO and the IMF who are our international partners and financiers.

 

We would also appreciate if Doctors who have observed this condition were to share their experiences with us. Thank you.

 

Signed;

Engineer Sam mburu MBA, CSA., CPA, ACCA, EBS

PS.

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Comments
  1. marie says:

    Hi,

    We have just added your latest post “UNUSED MEDICAL CARD SYNDROME” to our Directory of Science . You can check the inclusion of the post here . We are delighted to invite you to submit all your future posts to the directory and get a huge base of visitors to your website.

    Warm Regards

    Scienz.info Team

    http://www.scienz.info

  2. Paul says:

    Just a note. The young women are also catching the condition at an increasing rate.

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